


break my soul in two, looking for you.

by anopendoor



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben and Rey are exes, F/M, Flashbacks to Highschool, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, High School Reunion AU, Miscommunication, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, lovers reunited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:01:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28326504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anopendoor/pseuds/anopendoor
Summary: Ben and Rey attend their 10 year high school reunion. Tensions are high as they relive the past and revisit why they broke up all those years ago. Nostalgia is a cruel mistress, and she leaves no stone left unturned.  Will these ex lovers resolve how they left things prior? Or will they continue to dance around each other like they have for years.A Reylo Evermore fic based on 'Coney Island'. Ben and Rey were high school sweethearts at a preforming arts school. Their careers lead them on separate paths but they meet again at their 10 year reunion.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 129
Collections: Reylo Evermore Flash Fic





	break my soul in two, looking for you.

**Author's Note:**

> ahh so excited to be a part of this!! Coney Island gave me all the angst feels--but I saw a light at the end of it and gave this story my own twists to add at little hopefulness for our bbs. 
> 
> This is probably not how high school reunions go - I've never been to my own, nor do I know what acting school is like, so I hope you can enjoy this story for the romance drama not logistics! 
> 
> I know I might have taken the song prompt a bit literally, but I could at least interpret the angst, so angst there shall be!

Rey stares out the window as the New York City skyline glistens against the late afternoon light. The iridescent cast from the glass monoliths mixes together in swirls of blue, purple, and gold. 

She closes her eyes.

“We’re home.” She hears a low voice mutter beside her. “I swear every time we come back another skinny eyesore springs up in midtown. Seriously, how do they build them so fast?”

“It’s the mafia,” they both intone at the same time, and it makes Rey smile. “Or maybe Hux is trying to compete with the Cohens…” 

Finn sighs beside her. “I really hope that guy does not show up to our ten-year reunion. It’s bad enough that we have to see him in LA.”

“I dunno, I kind of feel bad for Hux. It’s not his fault he is the way he is,” Rey says quietly as their SUV merges onto the BQE. 

Finn is silent for a long moment. “You sure you’re okay going to this? We could just forget the whole thing and avoid Manhattan altogether.”

Rey shrugs. “I promised Rose, and I’m still going to the benefit. It would be strange if I were to skip the reunion and show up at the fundraiser.”

“Nah, you’re an Academy Award-winning actress. You’re busy, you’re supposed to be flighty.” Finn teases. “Plus, the Professional Performing Children’s School has more than enough money.”

Rey looks over at her best friend. “It’s fine, Finn. Really. I doubt he’s going to be there. He hates anything to do with revisiting the past.” She doesn’t think she sounds bitter, but it annoys her—that latent sting slashes against her chest. 

_She’s lying in the grass in Sheep Meadow. The clouds are extra fluffy and moving swiftly across the sky. A cool breeze brushes against her bare legs in the warm spring afternoon._

_A hand brushes against her waist. “I think Kenobi was on to something in improv today…”_

_“Please do not tell me another dumb improv joke.”_

_“It was about wow factor—really throwing the audience and the other players off.”_

_Rey shakes her head, feeling the blades of grass crinkle beneath her. “Sabotaging a scene just for clout? That’s one way to make everyone hate you—”_

_She’s cut off when a pair of lips land solidly on hers._

_Her mind is blank when he pulls away, and the first thing her eyes can focus on is the smirk on his lips._

_“So—do you hate me now?” He asks impishly._

_She purses her lips. “Not really, maybe you should try for that wow factor one more time…”_

“All I’m saying is if he does show up and you don’t want to talk to him. You got me in your corner. You know that, Peanut?” Finn’s voice breaks her out of her daydream, and Rey blinks before looking at him.

She gives him a small smile. “I know, but you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine, I swear. It’s just one weekend.”

__

“It’s just one weekend.”

“No.”

“But—Come on, Ben. This is literally the only time I’m asking you for anything—”

“You ask me for shit all the fucking time.”

Poe pauses, thinking. “Alright,” he admits. “But this time it’s really important.”

Ben pauses and glares at him. “Seeing a bunch of pretentious assholes that I’ve successfully avoided for the last ten years is not on my list of important shit.”

“I mean, you still see me more than occasionally…” 

“My answer is still no.”

Poe holds his hands out, exasperated. “Look, I doubt she is even going to be there. She’s probably filming in Japan or the Mongolian desert or something.”

Ben feels his shoulders constrict slightly in annoyance. “That’s not why I don’t want to go.”

“Look, I need back up, alright. I haven’t seen Finn in years, and Rose said he was going. You’re the only one I trust to keep me from doing something stupid.”

“If you’re that insecure about how you’ll react in front of your ex, you should probably just not go either,” Ben grumbles. 

Poe makes an inquisitive sound. “Ah, so that is why you don’t want to go. Afraid you’ll do something stupid if you see Rey?”

“That’s not why I already told you that.”

“You did,” Poe says, but he sounds disbelieving. 

They’re walking down the street on 8th Avenue. Most of the food in Midtown is shit, but there’s a hole in the wall taco shop on 9th that’s been around since they were in high school. He and Poe would often find themselves there on their lunch breaks during rehearsals. 

“Can you please just think about it? Imagine how many hilarious stories we’ll have to make fun of everyone—we’d probably have enough content to run a mini-series. You gotta admit, that’s at least a bit of an incentive. I heard Bazine is now a different stripper on Law & Order SVU.”

Ben sighs and closes his eyes. It would be pretty hilarious to find out what the rest of PPC’s ‘gold stars’ were up to. If anything, it would be good material—and Poe was right, there was no way she would be there.

She was far too important these days to be seen at a high school reunion.

“Fuck, fine. But I’m only going for an hour at most.”

Poe bounces excitedly beside him. “YES! Buddy, it’s going to be great. I know I’ll have a stand-up bit just by laying eyes on Bazine—or Hux! Oh, it’s going to be so good.”

His friend rests a hand on his shoulder as they walk back towards the Theatre District. 

“You won’t regret this.”

Somehow Ben wasn’t so sure.

_-_

“Rey, honey, oh, I’m so happy to see my baby!” Maz exclaims cheerily when she opens the door. 

Rey can’t help but smile as she peers down at the shorter woman instantly enveloping her in a hug. “I’ve missed you terribly.”

“Well, this is so much better than staying in one of those compound-like hotels. I’m glad you were able to come home this time.”

The comment makes Rey’s chest fill with warmth. “Right, Snap wasn’t too happy about that…”

Finn walks through the door behind her and embraces his mother. “Hi, mom.”

Maz pats his arm. “Rey is looking very skinny, son. I told you to keep an eye on her,” she scolds. 

“I promise I’m eating a fully balanced diet. The workout regimen for this film is just beyond strenuous.”

“Well, I have dinner on the stove. Should be ready in a couple of hours. I’ll give you two some time to get settled in.”

Finn glances at Rey mischievously. “The last person up the stairs has to stay in my old room with the haunted bathtub.”

“It was your room, Finn!” Rey narrows her eyes as they stand there. “It’s only fair.”

There’s silence before they both make a break for it.

_-_

_“This year, we have a few new students joining us. Rey Niima…” Obi-Wan Kenobi looks around the room. “Miss Niima, as a warm welcome to PPC, we have a certain tradition for integrating new students. If you will.” He motions to the open area of the room._

_Ben watches as a girl with scrawny legs quietly shuffles to the front of the room to stand beside their teacher._

_“Are you nervous?” Obi-Wan asks kindly, but she only shrugs as she stands there awkwardly. “Don’t worry, we’ll get that out of your system soon enough—Ben, I’ll let you do the honors.”_

_He sits upright when he hears his name. The tips of his ears poke out around the ends of his hair. His chair scrapes against the floor as he stands._

_“Someone, give me a setting,” Obi-Wan speaks to the class._

_“The library,” one student calls out._

_“Alright, we’re in the library…what did I have for breakfast?”_

_“Bacon egg and cheese!”_

_“You know I’m a vegan Armitage, but—alright. Hmm, and how is George Clooney feeling?”_

_“Scheme-y.” There are some chuckles._

_Obi-Wan nods. “Alright, so kids—we’re in the library, someone’s scheming, and maybe they’re eating a bacon, egg, and cheese and—GO!”_

_Ben looks at Rey. She appears confused as if she’s waiting for him to move first._

_He rolls his shoulders. “You know food isn’t allowed in the library.”_

_She looks around. “It’s 7 a.m., there’s no one here to catch me.”_

_“Well, I just did,” he says haughtily and pauses. “What are you doing here so early anyway?”_

_“I could ask you the same thing.”_

_Ben narrows his eyes, “if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were up to something.”_

_“I’m just having breakfast. I was hoping to enjoy my bacon, egg, and cheese in peace.”_

_Ben waves a hand and takes a step closer to her, using his height to appear intimidating. She doesn’t recoil. “Strange, I haven’t seen you here before.”_

_“I’m new.”_

_Someone in the audience snores. A few snickers rumble throughout the room._

_Ben notices as her lip twitches down. “I know.”_

_She looks at him perplexed. “How could you—”_

_“No one comes to the library to study,” he snorts like the idea is preposterous._

_He watches as Rey straightens. “Well, I’m having breakfast.” Her eyes narrow at him. “I suppose I could ask you what you’re doing here.”_

_Ben nods down at the ground before he saunters closer to her until he is looming over her._

_He smirks down at her, waiting for her to break the scene. He stares at her. His face morphs into a mask of intensity that, normally, has other peers calling it. This move often has him winning these exercises. It’s why Obi-Wan picks him when they break in new students._

_She surprises him by tilting her chin up and meeting his stare head-on. She’s not afraid of him, even though she should be._

_“It’s a shame, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. To carry out my evil plans, I’ll have to tie up loose ends…” He honestly has no idea where he’s going with this, but she should have cracked by now. He knows he sounds menacing. He made Kaydel cry last year…_

_But Rey just looks up at him and nods her head to the side. “You want a bite of my sandwich? It’ll probably help with your hangry-ness.”_

_Someone, likely Hux, sputters behind them. A few other students laugh._

_Ben stares at her confused. “What?”_

_“Aaand cut! Ben, you lost. You broke first. Very good job Miss Niima.” Obi-Wan calls from his seat. He sounds impressed. “It’s not every day we run this exercise, and Ben doesn’t make someone cry.”_

_Ben stands up straight, but his eyes never leave her face. The rest of the class claps and cheers._

_It’s strange how it happens: infatuation. At least, that’s what Ben would like to call it. One minute, he’s almost glaring at her pissed that she was able to pull the rug from under him. But in the next, when she smiles meekly at the class, he feels a stirring in his chest._

_His heart is beating a mile a minute, and it’s beating wildly for her._

“Well, well, Ben Solo. I never thought I’d see you at one of my events,” Bazine croons as he and Poe approach the entrance of _Per Se_. “What a fun surprise.” She raises her eyebrows. 

Ben looks past her, scanning for the closest bar…

“Baz, you have to remind me, you still got that recurring role on SVU? What was your stripper name again?” Poe feigns thoughtfulness as he taps his chin.

It makes the woman bristle before she straightens and smiles wryly at him. “I’m actually now a reformed drug addict, providing Benson with information to crack an underground cartel ring in Grammercy Park.”

Poe makes a sound of shock, “no, but how could they get away with it? Wouldn’t they know who it was? I thought access to Grammercy was very elite stuff? Or—is that the big reveal? It’s just a bunch of prep kids mixing oregano with marijuana?”

“You’re still a fucking ass, I see.” 

Poe smiles, “I like critical thinking.” 

“Funny, I don’t remember you doing much of that in high school…”

Ben walks away from the bickering when he spots a waiter with a tray full of dark liquid cocktails. Just what he was looking for…

“Ben!” He is able to grab a tumbler before he spins around, and his gaze moves downwards until he sees Rose Tico with a shocked expression beaming up at him. “You’re here!”

Something about the way she says it makes Ben suspicious. “Poe dragged me here,” he grumbles and takes a long sip. _Ah, brandy_ …

Rose chuckles. “From my memory, I didn’t think reunions or anything to do with PPC was your thing.”

Ben nods, “they’re not.”

“How’s Broadway?”

“Good, how’s the opera?”

“Still as personable as I remember,” Rose pips before her eyes widen at something behind him. “Excuse me, ohmygod KAY!” The short woman squeals as she rounds Ben’s towering frame and zooms towards a teetering blond at the entrance. 

There’s shrieking and then laughing, and Ben takes another gulp of his drink.

He turns to look away from them and freezes. 

To be fair, their class size consisted of about fifty people. Give or take the few that came and went depending on how successful their career took off. _Per Se_ is not a big place, and of the fifty or so alumni that showed up, it was impossible to not notice recognize every person in the room. 

He shouldn’t be as surprised as he is to see Rey standing there talking to Jannah in a black dress that drapes across her body like it is made specifically for her. 

As if his gaze on her is enough to draw her attention, her eyes drag up and away from Jannah to rest on him.

Unlike him, she doesn’t stand there like a deer in headlights. He watches as she takes a breath before training her gaze back on the woman in front of her. 

Ben downs the rest of his drink and goes searching for another. 

He didn’t know how he would feel if he saw her again. Some naïve part of him didn’t prepare for it because he just assumed it would never happen. It was willful thinking and completely idiotic on his part. 

He couldn’t understand why his hands were fucking shaking.

_Somehow, he’s successfully avoided kissing Rey for weeks… but now they were going to start doing run-throughs of the last section of the play, and Obi-Wan was being generous, he wasn’t being pushy, which was—unusual for him._

_It’s not like it should be a big deal, it was just a stage kiss. All he had to do was grab her face and kiss the side of her mouth. Then his thumbs would block their lips from view, and the audience would be none the wiser._

_Except for the problem with that solution, was that every bone, every cell, every God damn nerve ending in his body wanted to kiss Rey._

_And he just knew…that at the moment, he would fuck up and actually kiss her, and he didn’t know if he could handle the mortification of her rejection._

_“Okay, we’re going to run from act three, scene five to the end,” Obi-Wan calls from his seat in the auditorium._

_Ben feels his palms sweat. Scene five was ‘the kiss’, and he wasn’t prepared for it._

_Rey walks over to him. “You good, Ben?” She asks as she watches him swing his arms from back to front, shaking away his nerves._

_He’d told her that they shouldn’t practice too much, that it was supposed to be awkward and surprising—so they should do the kiss exactly like that. It seemed like a valid excuse, and she didn’t argue with him on it, but now Ben thinks maybe they should have practiced. Maybe he’d be less freaked out._

_“Yup,” he mutters as they set._

_“You just seem…off,” she observes as Ben shakes his head._

_“Nope, I’m good.” He bobs his head and bounces on the balls of his feet. ‘Just don’t look at her lips, Solo.’_

_“Okay…and begin!” Obi-Wan calls, and Rey’s line is first._

_He watches as her face morphs into character, and her expression turns angry. “Alright, you better tell me what’s going on this instant! I knew something was off when your wife called me in the middle of the day! Asked me if you left the office early…”_

_“I had a God damn meeting downtown, that’s what I had to do!” Ben scowls as he rests his hands on his hips. “I told you to think up an excuse.”_

_“Sir, I may work for you, but I am NOT going to cover your ass if you’re putting your life in danger.” Rey glares, and she takes a step closer. “Tell me, Mr. Burns, you doing those shady dealings with O’Mally? You know he’s of a bad sort.”_

_“It’s none of your damn business, woman!” He’s yelling as he takes a step towards her. He tries to focus on his lines, but as they get closer and closer to the ‘moment’, he feels his heart start beating too fast, senses himself getting lightheaded. He really needs to calm the fuck down._

_Rey’s face puckers as she gives him an exasperated look. He tries not to think too long about how adorable she looks when her nose scrunches like that…_

_“It is my damn business when my boss is working with the mafia—possibly putting me out of a job one of these days if he isn’t too careful.”_

_Ben scowls. “So that’s what you’re worried about, your damn job?”_

_She pauses, looking unsure, her body language changes, and she looks nervous. “Yes, of course.” Her voice is soft, and she turns towards the audience. Her expression of worry is supposed to be clear to the audience, but not to him._

_Ben takes another step towards her. He prods, “that’s all you’re worried about, nothin’ else?”_

_“Well, of course, I don’t want to be dragged down to the damn police station to identify your corpse.”_

_Ben is standing right beside her now. His chest could brush her shoulder if she turned back towards him._

_“No, I gotta wife who'll do that,” he mutters, and his hand reaches out, but then stops._

_In a moment, he has to grab her, and God, he hopes she can’t feel the sweat on his palms when he touches her…_

_“Right,” she says quietly, and she slowly turns her head to look at him. “Of course, I only meant—”_

_He grabs her face and cradles it between his palms as he presses his lips against hers. Stage kiss cues be damned._

_Ben breathes through his nose as he continues to hold her face against his. Her shoulders have scrunched up, and she’s supposed to be in shock._

_Holy shit, he knew kissing her would feel like this._

_There’s a feeling wound up tight in his stomach, and he thinks she can hear his heart pounding in his chest._

_His jaw moves on its own against her closed lips, and he feels her still beneath him. He is in a daze as he pulls away from her. His eyes flutter open to see hers staring widely back at him._

_Oh fuck._

“Hey.”

He freezes when he hears her voice. His body is hunched over as his elbows rest on the railing. He stares out towards the wall of glass and shimmering headlights going around…and around. 

He hears her heels click as she approaches him. Each step a pang against his chest. 

They used to joke that Rey would always stay true to her Chucks, even if she became famous enough to attend movie premieres. She swore she’d wear them to the Oscars if she ever made it.

He doubts that happened.

Ben stands up straight, and he rolls his neck as he slowly turns to look at her. 

“Hey.”

She rests her hip against the railing a few feet from him. He’s not sure if she’s keeping her distance for his sake or hers. 

“Hiding from Bazine? I saw her try to touch your ass. I’m a bit surprised she’d—”

“Pull the same shit she always does,” he interrupts her before his mind can realize it and shut the fuck up.

Rey snickers, her lips pull up into that dimpled smile he’s tried to forget. He folds his lips together to suppress his grin. 

“She did have a crush on you.”

Ben shrugs and makes a face. “Nah.” 

It’s the first time they’ve spoken in _years_ …hell, he hasn’t seen her in person since—

“What are you doing out here then?” Rey asks, and it’s a simple question.

But he has a loaded answer. “Just needed some air.”

He thinks she can see her nod from his peripheral. “I know what you mean.”

Ben feels like the silence is screaming at them. He wonders if she can feel it too.

“Uh, congratulations on—you know.” His hand comes out to gesture for what he means, but to him, it just looks like he’s waving his hand at her like a moron. Why couldn’t he just not be such a fucking dumbass whenever he was around her?

She knows what he means. Maybe it’s because she always seemed to know what he was trying to say even when he couldn’t say it. 

But then why did she never looked back when he told her it would never work out between them?

He thinks he sees a tinge of a blush on her cheeks. “Ah…thank you,” she mutters. 

“I mean, it’s not a surprise. I knew you would do it.” The words are out of his mouth before he can catch them.

That seems to make something in her stop, and her expression morphs into something that looks like disappointment. She mumbles something. It sounds like, “you did.”

“Hey, guys!” They both jump at the high-pitched exclamation behind them. 

Rose is standing there teetering, and most definitely one too many Gin and Tonics in. “Hux is going to break us into the school. Let’s goooo!” Finn and Poe straggle behind her, both also clearly toasted. How did everyone get so shit-faced so quickly?

When Poe notices them he straightens up and makes a face, turning to mutter something at Finn, who snorts. 

“You good, Peanut?” He calls out to Rey. Something about that nickname always made Ben bristle with jealousy. He’s shocked to feel that similar monster bubbling in his gut right now. Even though it’s been _years_ , even though he’s not entitled to that emotion, not anymore. 

Ben glances at Rey, who’s nodding. “Yeah, yeah—are you sloshed Finny?” She’s teasing him, but Ben hears the way her voice shakes. 

Finn waves a hand and shakes his head. “Of course not, I’ve only had four shots of tequila.”

“Come onnnnn, let’s gooooo,” Rose cajoles as she spots Armitage sauntering towards them. 

The tall redhead takes in the group and shakes his head. “Fuck, this feels like old times.”

-

The Professional Performing Children’s school is only a few blocks away from the Time Warner Center. It’s past midnight, but New York City never sleeps. There are still people out on the streets, so it’s inevitable when a few people recognize her. 

“Excuse me, Rey? Do you mind if we get a quick picture with you?” It’s two girls who look like they might be in college, and normally she wouldn’t mind. Something about being back with the old high school crowd, but as this _new_ version of Rey, makes a self-conscious part of her shirk at the attention. 

She smiles at the girls. “Of course, but quickly. I have to make sure my group doesn’t leave without me.” The girls squeal in excitement. A few other heads turn in curiosity, but Rey likes to believe if she can pretend that they don’t exist, they can’t see her. 

Snap always made fun of her for those delusions. 

They take the selfie, and the girls gush their thanks. 

Rey notices the rest of the group is halfway up the block, and the initial reaction to feeling exposed and left behind freezes every organ inside her body. 

She almost jumps when she feels a hand graze at her back. 

“We should get going.” It’s Ben, and while his touch has her nerve-endings going crazy, the initial fear of being alone melts away almost instantly. 

The graze of his fingers against the silk at her back feels like fire. 

As they walk away, she can hear one of the girls whispering, “do you think that’s her boyfriend?”

They walk a few paces behind their raucous group. When Ben’s hand falls away from her back, she shivers. 

“Thanks for…back there,” Rey says as they cross 9th Avenue. 

Ben’s hands are now stuffed in his pockets, making his shoulders round forward. “No problem.”

She glances over at his towering frame. He looks different, yet the same. At least from what she can tell now that she’s so close to him. He’s bulkier, but it certainly makes him look sexier. Age has done him a service. It has been almost eight years since they last saw each other…technically.

Rey is absolutely sure he has no idea she’s seen every play of his over the years. She wasn’t going to hold her breath and think he’s seen every film of hers, but she sometimes wonders if he’s at least seen the _one_.

_“…and the Academy Award goes to…Rey Niima!”_

_She can feel someone grabbing her arm tightly as the room erupts in applause. She’s being embraced, but she’s still reeling from the shock to know if it’s Finn or Snap._

_Another face flashes before her, but it’s been a while since she’s thought about him._

_She blinks, and the lights come back into focus._

_She stands. She knows she must look like a wild animal surrounded by people—hunters as he used to call them…_

_She walks to the stage and she’s mouthing ‘oh my god’, to Jyn Erso, last year's winner. She’s smiling encouragingly at Rey as she walks up the steps._

_She’s kissing her on both cheeks, and a cold, metal object is thrust into her hands._

_She stares down at it feeling a bit out of her own body. The cheers get louder before they quiet down, and when she looks out to the audience, she smiles like how Snap told her to._

_“I—I can’t believe this…thank you…” She hears a whistle, and she knows that it’s Finn. “Uh, I want to thank The Academy, Resistance Pictures, and Lando Calrissian for being the best director out there, honestly…oh gosh there are so many people to thank…”_

_Snap had prepared her a speech. One she’d read and then sworn to only memorize so she could remember all the God damn names…but she hadn’t thought she would actually win…_

_Everything about this film brought back too many memories, too many reminders of a past she had been desperately trying to hold on to. She had thought it would be a catharsis, but instead, all it did was remind her of him—and all the ways she missed him._

_He wouldn’t want her to say anything. He’d left her behind, and he’d moved on._

_He told her she had to do the same._

_But all she wanted to do was say his name._

They catch up just as Hux is hanging up the phone and the night guard comes to open the door.

“Oh my god, it looks exactly the same…” Kaydel gushes as they walk through the lobby. 

Hux starts handing out shooters of Grey Goose. He tosses two to Ben, who wordlessly hands one to Rey. 

“I’ve always wanted to raid Obi Wan’s office,” Finn says with a conniving expression.

There’s a pause when a bunch of them look at each other and then scream simultaneously. “WE CAN TALK IN THE ELEVATOR!” They rush over to them, while Rose begins frantically pressing the ‘up’ button. 

Ben is shaking his head at them, and it makes Rey grin. “Feeling nostalgic?” 

His expression is unreadable. “I don’t get nostalgic,” he says it like a fact. 

“Right, I forgot.” The silence is awkward as they watch the group pile into the elevator. 

“If we get stuck in here…I’m blaming Hux.” Rey thinks it’s Kaydel that comments, but the door is already slowly closing, leaving them behind in the lobby.

Rey takes a breath and turns to him. “You’re given one moment to go back in time. Where do you go?”

Ben glances at her. “Nowhere, I don’t—”

“Get nostalgic, I know,” Rey sighs. “Fine, I know where I want to go.” She starts walking towards the stairwell, a large part of her hopes he will follow.

She’s up the first flight when she hears his footsteps trudging behind her. At the landing of the second floor, she pauses before she walks off towards the library.

The smell of books and paper waft through her nose. The distinct scent of the room brings back a slew of memories. Many starring her current companion. She wonders if he feels that nostalgia too.

She walks down the first aisle closest to the entrance and glances back at him to see him looking around as he unscrews the cap to his vodka shooter. 

“There’s no eating or drinking allowed in here,” Rey says teasingly. She watches his throat as he downs the shooter in one go. She feels her hand tighten slightly around her own. 

He doesn’t respond right away, and the silence between them feels like a vice around her heart, and it’s squeezing and squeezing. Rey wonders if it will ultimately shatter her. 

“It’s midnight, there’s no one here to catch me,” he says, and she feels her apprehensions immediately fall away. He follows her into the aisle, and she starts to weave around the rows of old books. 

Guess nostalgia is a bitch, and she delivers no matter how hard you try to keep her away. 

“Well, I just did,” she murmurs. Her fingers trail against the spines of the ‘History’ section. She looks back at him. “What are you doing here so late anyway?” She unscrews her shooter and takes half. 

The room is dark, the city lights illuminate the library enough to see where they’re going, but the shadows from the towering shelves cast half his face in darkness like a slash.

He follows quietly behind her like a menacing shadow, so large he could envelop her with his whole being in a flash. “I could ask you the same thing.” His voice is low, and she swears it might have trembled. 

Is he nervous? Can he tell that her heart is beating harder than a bass drum?

She stops, and so does he. There’s still distance between them, and she hasn’t had too much to drink, but parts of her brain are a little fuzzy—like the rational part of her that would tell her not to walk closer to him. 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were up to something.” He doesn’t move as she does, but she thinks he might have stopped breathing. 

_“Ben?”_

_They’re staring out into the ocean. Their bikes are tossed together beside the bench they’re sitting on. It’s a Tuesday afternoon in December, and Coney Island is as dead as a graveyard._

_Ben’s eyes are closed. His arm is resting against the back of the bench around her shoulders. His thumb grazes her left arm as he hums in reply._

_Rey watches as the waves lap idly at the sand. “Nothing.”_

_“Something,” he retorts before he lifts his head and looks over at her._

_“You remember that friend of Mr. Kenobi’s that visited, Ashoka Tano?”_

_Ben shrugs because, of course, he doesn’t._

_“She’s a talent scout from LA. She said I should audition for the lead role for a movie franchise. They’re keeping a lot of it under wraps, but she said it’s supposed to be big.” The words rush out of her, and she feels nervous just talking about it. “She thinks I have a good chance of getting it, but I don’t know.”_

_“Of course, you’ll get it,” Ben scoffs. “You’re fucking amazing and way more talented than any of those idealists out in California.” He’s quiet for a moment. “But I thought you didn’t want to do movies—unless it’s for Lando Calrissian the—”_

_“The best director of all time—second to Scorsese, I know,” Rey mumbles._

_‘I thought you wanted to do theater, with me?’ It’s what he wants to say but doesn’t. She knows it. In the years she’s known Ben Solo, she knows he’s a realist and a little bit of a purist. His parents were in movies and did Hollywood, and he wanted to be nothing like them._

_“I mean, if the choice is an option for me, I wouldn’t just turn it down.”_

_Ben sits forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Where is this coming from? What about Julliard?”_

_She feels something inside her snap. “Well, I didn’t get into Julliard,” she admits, and it’s been weighing on her all week. The confession feels like a weight has been lifted from her chest._

_Only… a different burden takes its place._

_“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ben asks, and he looks hurt. “How long have you known?” But then he shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter, you applied to other schools, right? You can still stay in New York…”_

_“If I get the movie. I—I think I’m going to take it. The opportunity would be too good, and you know it's not an option to live with my uncle after graduation…”_

_“I thought we were going to move in together,” Ben states. Rey is confused about where all these assumptions came from._

_“When did we discuss that?” Rey feels the anxiety fill her chest. It’s gotten harder to breathe. “I couldn’t afford it, and—and that kind of decision…that’s a big step—”_

_Ben gets up off the bench and crouches down beside her. It’s very dramatic and theatrical, and so Ben, but Rey finds herself getting aggravated by it. “Rey,” he looks at her in that way of his that completely disarms her. “I love you, and we’re going to figure everything out. That’s why I just thought—I haven’t worried about any of this because I just thought we would do it together.” He grabs her hand, and she feels instantly warmer._

_“But me auditioning for the movie ruins that,” Rey states, trying to bring them back to why they were even talking about this in the first place._

_Ben shakes his head. “What? No, no we can still figure it out. Rey, you’re fucking—better than anyone else out there. If you want to do movies, you’ll be the best at them. I know you don’t believe me.” He squeezes her hand._

_“You could win an Academy Award if you wanted to. You should go for it with Lando Calrissian, but in time…” It makes a laugh crack through her frown, and she shakes her head at him. He says some of the most ridiculous things sometimes._

_“If they don’t see how fucking amazing you are—then they’re fucking morons.” He brings her hand against his lips and kisses the back of it. “Whatever happens, I’m going to be there with you.”_

_She looks down at him, lips trembling. It’s a tall order, it’s something she’s not sure is even possible. But Ben knows the parts of her no one else does. They share a connection no one else can understand._

_“You promise?” She asks softly. There's a part of her that thinks he can’t promise anything of the sort. Another part of her wants it more than anything else._

_He’s looking at her with an intensity that would make others cower or even cry, but to her, it’s inexplicitly Ben._

_“I promise.”_

“Tell me to stop, Ben,” she whispers as she takes another step, and he’s pressed himself tightly against the bookshelf behind them. “Tell me you haven’t thought about me at all, that you killed the past as you told me you would.” Her voice trembled at her last word, and she stepped forward again so that her breasts lightly grazed against his chest. “Because every little thing reminds me of you. I can never get you out of my head. You’re there even when I wish you weren’t. After everything...when I accepted that stupid statue, all I wanted to do was say your name.” 

When he inhales, his chest shakes. 

She rests her hands there and feels the way his heart is beating rapidly against her fists. “I see you when I close my eyes, probably every day. I could never let you go.” She’s crying, she thinks, it’s hard to feel anything else except the way he feels under her touch. “When you left, I think half of my soul broke and went with you.”

He doesn’t answer her with words, but suddenly she’s being pulled flush against his body, and he’s kissing her like a man starved. 

Kissing him again after so many years feels like coming home.

Her fists unfurl against his chest and then twist to grab at his button-down shirt. Their lips are wild and unhinged. Rey sighs into his mouth, as she feels his hands move down from her waist and to her hips, gripping her there tightly. She makes a sound when she feels him lift her, and her legs automatically wrap around him as her dress hikes up past her knees. 

He supports her with one arm under her ass while the other reaches up to cradle her neck before he pulls away. “Of course, I think about you—all the fucking time. I hate that I walked away—”

“Then why did you?” She gasps, an old feeling of anger burgeons in her gut. “You left me, and you said you never would.” It’s painful to think about, to know that he would have taken her back into his arms if she’d only asked. It couldn’t have been this easy.

He walks forward so that she’s resting against the opposite shelf. His breath trembles as he leans into her, holding her up with his body. In the moonlight, she watches as he closes his eyes, and when he opens them, there are tears there too.

“I thought you were leaving me behind, even if you didn’t know it yet. And I didn’t want to be the thing holding you back either.” 

Rey shakes her head, and her nose bumps against his. “That was a stupid, stupid decision for you to make.”

“I know.” 

She closes her eyes, squeezes them shut. 

“Rey, I—” he swallows, and her eyes snap open.

_The door bangs open, and Ben looks up from the couch to see two women trot through the door. One of them chatters shrilly into her cellphone as she starts pulling out a hairdryer and other products from her clear shoulder bag._

_He feels his heart jump when Rey walks through the door. She’s done-up in a black dress that hugs her waist before it skirts out in accordion waves around her hips._

_When she sees him, the smile that erupts on her face could light the entire room. He stands up as she skips over to him and jumps in his arms._

_She kisses him, and he feels the ache in his chest swell._

_“I’m so sorry it’s been so crazy since you got here,” she mutters as she slides down his body before planting her feet on the floor._

_Ben takes a breath. Touching her now, after months apart, it's a distraction. It makes the reason why he came out here to see her feel that much more difficult to see through._

_“It’s okay,” he says, but it gets lost when a voice barks out._

_“Alright, you have two hours, and then it’s the radio appearance before the Vanity Fair party.” Snap enters the apartment in a flurry of movement. Two other people follow behind him in quick succession._

_Rey blinks as her team flutter around them. “Oh, okay. I was hoping there would be some time for Ben and me—”_

_“So, it’ll take at least an hour to get to the studio, accounting for traffic,” Snap prattles, not even looking at them. His eyes are glued to his phone. “I have Megan here to do your hair. We were going to go with it down for Vanity Fair. There won’t be any time after the radio appearance. You’ll have time to be with Ben at the party.”_

_“Rey, I wanted to talk to—”_

_“I’m thinking we’ll go with a bold lip.” A voice cuts in as a hand holds out a navy gown beside Rey._

_“Okay so then probably do looser waves,” another voice affirms._

_“And he’s going to change, right, before tonight?” Snap addresses his question to the room, but it’s clear he’s talking about Ben._

_Ben looks down at his black sweater and jeans before he looks at Rey._

_She mouths an apologetic ‘sorry’ as the commotion around them surmounts._

_It doesn’t help, all of…this. Ben had already come here under the pretense of talking to Rey. She was about to go back to Japan for the third installment of that dudebro franchise that grossed a billion a film._

_Rey hadn’t been back to New York for longer than three days at a time over the last two years, and every time she was swamped with her promotional tours._

_Ben had been struggling with the fear that they had grown apart, no matter how adamant Rey was to deny it. He could see it, their future so clearly, and every scenario did not end with him still in the scene._

_He does not know what to do. Even though, while he waited for her to come back, he had rehearsed it over a hundred times._

_It sounds like a hundred voices are all talking at once, and he’s unable to focus._

_He cups her elbow, bringing Rey’s attention back to him. “Can I just talk to you for a minute?” He asks quietly, but she can hear him._

_She nods, grabbing his hand before she pulls him out of the apartment. “Snap, we just need a few minutes!” She calls as she drags Ben out into the hall. “I’m really sorry about all of this. I know Snap can be a lot.” She’s smiling as she closes the apartment door behind her._

_Finally, the quiet is back enough to help him sort his thoughts._

_“I know the radio show came out of nowhere, but I promise, once this day is over, I’ll have two days off and then—”_

_“Rey, I don’t think this is working anymore.”_

_She looks stunned like it’s the last thing she’d been expecting. When it does sink in, she just looks at him with a strained expression. Her eyes don’t move from his as her lips purse into a trembling line._

_She looks at him with eyes that say, ‘you lied, you are leaving me'._

Her hands are pulling at the buttons of his jeans, impatient, urgent, hungry. 

His head is dizzily trying to keep up, to process the high probability of them fucking in their high school library. His hands slide up her thighs, pushing the silky fabric up until his thumbs press against her hip bones. 

“Ben,” she sighs, and she starts undoing the tiny buttons of his dress shirt. When she’s able to reach inside, her hands are everywhere. She pushes the shirt off his shoulders, and it falls behind him and onto the floor with a stagnant plop. 

When she reaches lower, he closes his eyes and groans against her neck. He thinks of the nights where he’s dreamed of her hand, stroking his cock. He could only come once he allowed himself to see her face. 

His breath sucks into his lungs when he feels her pull him out of his boxers and draw him closer between her legs. 

“Rey,” he breathes, and then she’s kissing him again. 

She’s perched on a shelf that has her lined up at the perfect angle, and maybe they should talk about this, or maybe he should apologize first, but she’s not even bothering with taking off her underwear as she pushes the material hastily aside and his mind blanks when he feels the wetness there as his cock slides against her. 

“ _Oh fuck…_ ” She pushes her hips forward just slightly, and his head slots inside. 

His breath whooshes out against his face. “Please Ben,” she whimpers. 

She doesn’t need to say anything else before he pushes inside of her. She suppresses a moan as he slides to the hilt, and he feels the sound travel down his spine.

Her hands grasp at his shoulders frantically as she tries to use him as leverage to buck her hips against his. 

It tells him she’s just as desperate as he is. 

He grabs her hips securely between his hands. The span of his hands allows him to control her speed as he pushes her slowly off of his cock. She makes a high-pitched noise as he pulls her back flush against him in an even rhythm that has more sounds falling out of her mouth like a rising symphony. 

Rey braces one hand on the bookshelf, so sturdy and solid behind them, as her other claws at his shoulder before sliding up and into his hair. 

He grunts when she pulls at the back of his head _hard_. 

Only she could cause this effect when they had sex. It was the one thing she did that drove him crazier than anything else. 

Ben picks up his speed, and his thighs are now thumping against the wood behind them. Some of the books rattle on the shelf. 

Her nails dig into his skin, and he feels her beginning to tighten around him. “F-fuck,” he gasps out as he practically shoves her onto his cock with slower and deeper thrusts. 

Rey pushes off the bookshelf. Her arms fling around him so that they are now flush against each other. He can sense she’s close. It’s almost too much—how easy it was to remember exactly how it felt when she’d orgasm on his cock. It was like no time had passed like they were still twenty years old, and he hadn’t told her that he didn’t love her anymore. 

Ben holds her up with one arm as his other reaches between them, and he softly rubs at her clit like he’s done a hundred times. She gasps against his mouth, a sharp sound in the back of her throat. He feels her cunt clench around him as she plants her lips solidly against his as he slams into her once more before she screams into their kiss. 

His hand comes up to cradle her face from the crease of her neck to the crown of her head. He keeps her there. His thumb inches from her lips as they open slightly in an invitation, begging for a taste. 

Her eyes don’t leave his in the shadows as his thumb pressed gently against her bottom lip. He feels his cock twitch against the grip she has on him as her lips wrap around the tip of his thumb.

Ben rocks his hips against hers. His eyes slide shut as he tries to press as much of himself inside of her as he can. His cock as deep as it can go.

“I’ve wanted to feel you come on my cock for so long now,” he grunts, and it feels like agony to be so close to that dream, to almost taste it.

She makes a garbled sound in her throat as she bucks against him. “I’m about to…” she whimpers, and her hips flinch, begging him to continue. 

He growls as her legs wrap around his hips as she clings to him with everything she has. He thrusts up, hard, and the angle has his hip bone sliding against her clit. He does it a few times, and it’s enough because suddenly she’s seizing. Every part of her a vice encompassing him. Her cunt a tight sleeve, contracting around his cock with heavy pulses. He makes a rumbling sound low in his chest as he comes and coats her insides with each fevered draw of her orgasm. 

Rey pulls away enough so that they can breathe, but her forehead remains pressed against his. 

He has to rest her back onto the shelf as he tries to catch his breath. 

“I’m sorry.” His apology spews from his lips the moment he can say words again. “I’m so fucking sorry, Rey I—I never wanted to let you go, but I thought that I had to.” He shakes his forehead against hers. “I was just being selfish, I told you to stop holding on, but I was the one who couldn’t let you go—but I had to. You wouldn’t be where you are now if I’d stuck around to keep you from being who you were meant to be.”

Rey’s head lifts from his, and in the dark, it’s hard to see her eyes, but her expression shines clear in the moonlight. “There’s no way to prove that’s true. Instead, I spent almost eight years of my life without you, and yeah, I have that stupid statue sitting in my bathroom, but I’ve been fucking miserable.” A tear escapes her as she holds his face in both of her hands. She brushes her thumb against his cheek, and he realizes there’s a tear there too. 

She sniffs, “I would trade a thousand of those awards to go back eight years. I would have convinced you not to go. I would have convinced you of how much of an idiot you really were.” 

A sob escapes right before he kisses her, trying to take that sound from her lips, and destroy it with his own. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Just stop apologizing and say you’ll be with me now,” she pleads almost angrily. 

It makes his heart stop. He thought he’d fucked it all up, destroyed it. 

But maybe there was a sliver of hope after all. 

“I thought I’d pushed you away for good,” he mutters softly. There’s surely an emotion overpowering the control of his face. She blurs into the dark bluish grey of the room, and when he blinks, he feels a drop on his cheek.

“You’re such an idiot sometimes.” He can see the smile tug at the end of her mouth.

He feels a smile tease at his lips too. She’s still such a spitfire. He slowly pulls away from her, and the remnants of their coupling drip in thick splatters onto the carpet floor. 

“Shit,” he mutters as he looks down at their cum. When he looks back at Rey, she’s trying to suppress her laughter, but the tension is broken. She slowly slides her feet back to the floor taking care to avoid the mess.

“Do you think Holdo is still the librarian here?”

“She’s going to be faculty here until she dies,” Ben snorts. “You know, her stance and—”

“—her Resistance to the Tyrannical Indoctrination of Modern Media?” Rey asks in a serious tone. 

And somehow, they’re laughing, half-naked, and it’s like the last ten years never happened at all. For one moment, they’re back in high school, and Ben’s entire future only stars Rey. He moves to wipe at the stain with his shoe, like that would make it disappear. 

“Shit, no, that’s only going to make it worse.” She’s giggling as she steps around it. She bends down to pick up his shirt and hands it to him. Her eyes gaze up and seem to search the dark depths of his own. 

He swallows, the moment of humor now gone. “I don’t expect you to forgive me—or for us to pretend like the last eight years never happened.” 

She looks at him. “I told you what I want. If that—is something you want too, then we’ll figure it out,” she pauses. “Someone once told me that.”

Ben feels his breath rush out of him in a whoosh. The relief is almost too much. “Sounds like they knew a thing or two.”

Rey shrugs one shoulder, but she smiles with teeth because he can see them glint under the light through the window. “Or two.”

-

It’s past four in the morning by the time they leave the school. It seems like everyone else is gone, or perhaps having a slumber party in Obi-Wan's office. Rey checks her phone, but Finn hasn’t called her. There’s a text message from Snap, reminding her of the details for her Sunday morning flight. She swipes the notification away. 

The sky is still a dark brownish color, but the streets are finally empty. They walk back towards Columbus Circle hand in hand. Ben’s thumb continues to rub small circles against her knuckles. 

When they get to the end of the block, Rey turns to him. 

“Will you go somewhere with me?” She asks as she tilts her head towards the subway station entrance. 

He nods silently, and they make their way down the subway stairs. An odd feeling of déjà vu hits her as they descend the tile steps. If she closed her eyes, she can imagine them as sixteen again, bounding down the stairs. Ben would hop the last three steps, then turn and hold out his hand for her to take. 

She inhales shakily when she feels his hand slip quietly through hers and squeeze. 

They take the express train straight to the end of the line. Even without passengers, the ride is long. Rey rests her head against Ben’s shoulder as the car rocks back and forth across the Manhattan Bridge. 

She doesn’t let go of his hand even as they pass through the turnstiles as they walk out of the train station.

It’s 5:30, and they still have a few minutes to spare. They sit down at a bench on the boardwalk, and Ben wraps his arms around her holding her close. 

Rey listens to the beat of his heart as she nestles into the warmth of his chest. 

They both stare out across the shimmering dark blue of the Atlantic Ocean. The sun begins to crest in a blinding yellow and orange glow.

As it ascends, the cool late summer morning grows warmer and warmer. 

They stay there until they’re fully basked in its heat. Rey squints at the brightness as the sun rises. She sees a bright red glow behind her eyelids.

  
  


Ben's lips press against her forehead.

She opens her eyes.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I am on [twitter](https://twitter.com/anopendoor3) and sometimes post moodies/updates for my fics/WIPs 😊
> 
> If you enjoyed this, I have a few other angsty high school fics that are complete!  
> Another exes reunited: [You'll Always Be (Everything I Ever Wanted)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26393473/chapters/64292644)  
> Teenage secret relationship: [hula girls & mistletoe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28097802)
> 
> Currently writing a [blind!ben](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27197885/chapters/66433619) fic where Rey reads books to him in rehabilitation - lots of witty banter, and [Regency AU](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27997962/chapters/68579064) with unrequited/misplaced love angst on FULL BLAST.


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